Holding On
by YourHair'sOnFire
Summary: A sequel to my other story, I Didn't Let Go. I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU READ THAT FIRST. Anyway, it takes place right after the events of said story.


Morality can be used as a figure of speech.

An artificial idea that can be used as an excuse to put in papers for your ethics class. That's not what Morality is to me. Morality to me is the most beautiful piece of tech to ever be built in Aperture. Morality is also someone who was killed for no reason. Incinerated, burnt, murdered, call it what you want, she's gone.

And I'll be gone too, soon. All of my comrades are gone, so I'll be too in a matter of minutes. I've been sitting in this catatonic state for what has felt like an eternity, waiting for the inevitable. It's funny in a way, when you think about it. You always are scared of the inevitable, sobbing and blubbering about how it's "unfair", but when it really comes, it's no big deal. I've arranged the facts, and I just needed to wait.

Fact: I'm going to Android Hell. That was, of course, a no-brainer. All Aperture tech went there, in the end, no matter the circumstances. Even-

I shuddered. It was...difficult to think that Morality was going anywhere that wasn't somewhere she deserved. I was holding her ashes in my hands, feeling responsibility over her, even though she was long gone. At least, it felt long gone. She only disintegrated one, two, three minutes ago. But, her ashes still remained behind in my hands where I had been holding her.

A tear rolled down my cheek and vaporized almost immeadiately. I was fine with it, it's what Morality would have wanted anyway. For me to not hold back my feelings, let them out. Not through anger, though. Anger. It feels strange now, I feel so far from it. Even though I was built to house anger, it just feels like a stage now. A stage that a young toddler will grow out of, but it still might represent his personality.

When the toddler should look into any reflection, though it might look different, looking past he can always see that...monster of anger, screaming and chewing on a torn off hunk of his maroon blazer. Foaming out of his mouth and throwing tantrums, spitting on people. I registered that I was no longer thinking about a toddler, but myself.

What difference does it make, anyway? What's the difference between myself and a screaming, growling, frothing toddler? Only one: I was-no, I am much smarter. Not in math, or books, or any school related topics, but within philosophical thinking, I am much smarter.

Dimly realizing that my shoes were on fire, my shoulders tensed a little bit. How could Morality be so calm, through the pain of fire? I wasn't a pyrophobiac, I've seen fire enough, but I never expected this pain. The ashes slowly shook in my hands, and I checked my program.

Oh, crap.

"The Anger Core is the type of Aperture Tech, when put under the strength of 2001+ Kelvin, will combust."

I carefully set down the Ashes and backed away. I couldn't put Morality through this pain, alive or dead. I settled into a pile of neglected flaming trash, wincing at the heat. The shaking had sped up, causing some of the pieces of trash to fly off the pile and settle into another neglected pile of questionable grenade looking lemons.

The shaking started to speed up to lethal levels, as my vision went lighter. Blurring, brightening, making me squint and feel a sense of warmth so comfortable, the unfamiliar feeling rendered it uncomfortable. I leaned back into the garbage, getting more comfortable while my lack of eyesight overtook me, and my last sight was my hands in front of me, the tips turning into smoke and ash.

White space.

No fire, no agony, no...whatever you would normally see in Android Hell, just white space. I felt as if a was in midair. Sure, I felt as if I was standing on something, but looking down, it was just more white space. I waved a hand in front of my face to ensure that I wasn't blind, and sure enough, a pale hand came across my eyes. I sighed. So this is, "the inevitable".

Alone, in a bright void, forced to wander for god knows how long. Forced to resort to painful memories of the past when you run out of original, present thought. So, I began wandering. For about five minutes, until I felt a familiar hand on my shoulder.

I sped around swiftly, just to see white space. I shuddered and continued my walk.

Days. It felt like days, my walk, and I knew that I would eventually drive myself to insanity. It had started a bit, hallucinations of Morality, her smile flashing in front of my eyes for a second, feeling her touch my shoulder, only to realize it was just my mind. I found my knees buckling, no doubt from the weight of my growing insanity. I curled up into a ball on the ground, crying and softly laughing.

It was an odd feeling.

After an eternity of cry-giggling, I felt dainty hands on my shoulder. I ignored it, for it was probably another hallucination. The hands put more weight on my shoulders, shaking me slightly. I looked up to see the image of Morality's worried face, shaking my shoulders. I dismissed it. Tears came into her eyes and she sat me up. I probably had no expression on my face. I had given up with feeling and emotion long ago, anyway.

Morality sighed and ran the back of her hand across my cheek. Some of the doubts of her reality disappeared, but a lot still remained. Tears streamed down her face and she shook my shoulders again, as if to say, "I am real, you aren't crazy, I am real!" She let go and stared into my eyes, engulfing me in their purple color. It could have been played from memory, she still couldn't be real.

But my belief overlapped a small portion of my doubts.

That wasn't enough to phase me from my catatonic state, though. Belief can fool people. She shuddered and held onto my shoulders, still keeping the gaze. She gave in and started crying, softly punching at my chest. She did this for a while, as I stood there watching in my catatonic state. She sighed and cleared her throat, looking into my empty crimson eyes.

She bit her lip, as if preparing for desperate measures. Furrowing her brow, she put her hands back on my shoulders and kissed me.

That's when I knew that Morality was not a hallucination.

I kissed her back and we broke it. I smiled and tears rolled down her face. "Have you been wandering, too?" I asked. She nodded and embraced me. I set my head on her shoulder, and we sat there for god knows how long.

I was holding on. 


End file.
